FLIP FLOP

Dear Jay,
Words can't express how I feel when I discover that you no longer wish to let us know about your whereabouts. After begging for help and making us worry about your welfare for days, you chose a 180' turn and pretend that nothing had ever happened. You have deleted your blog. You have chosen to shut down your FB account. You no longer contacted me or anyone else who had tried to help you. We had spent time and money trying our best to help you whom we thought was really in trouble, and this is the way you show your appreciation? This is the way you show respect to the same people you dailed for help only a few days ago?
Your love-fear of your father is greater than your fear of Allah, as is your love to live as a true Muslimah is lesser than your love for fun. Disagree? Prove me wrong.
No, don't ever think that your journey is the same as mine. I had no choice then because there was no support 10 years ago for a woman who wanted to be a Muslimah. I was not bound to live as a Muslimah as I had not even recited the syahadah then. But you are different. Today you are already a Muslimah. The support you need are aplenty. You had contacted us out of the blue, asking for help, citing that your akidah was being threatened, and then you chose to turn your back on us and remain where you are.
We respect your choice. It is after all, your life, your future.
However, the least you could have done was to email, call or sms us informing us your final decision and to apologise for the trouble you have given, all the people who had tried to help you. At least explain why you had chosen this route instead of the one you had earlier decided on. We deserve to know as it was you who had asked for our help.
Instead, you have chosen to cut off all contacts with us, the very people whom you had called night and day for help only days ago. We had sacrificed our time and money trying to help you. We had put other things on hold just to look into your case.
And then when the going gets tough, you were gone with the wind. Poof. Silence. Not a phone call. Not an sms. Not an email.
And I know that you still have access to all those.
Do you know what you have done?
You had not only lead us on a wild-goose chase for nothing, you have given yourself a bad name.
We can no longer trust you.
Worse still, you have given a bad image to all Muslim reverts. Other reverts, who are stronger than you in iman, might not be able to get help as easily in future, thanks to your fickleness. People who had tried to help you out of duty as Muslims would now hesitate to assist another Muslim revert in trouble with his/her family as they do not want to be fooled by another flip-flop personality like you.
We hope you are happy in your life now. Thank you for teaching us a lesson about the indecisiveness of people your age. Flip-flop.
Next time make up your mind about what you really want before you dail the phone. And call others, not us. We are busy people who have little time to entertain fickle-minded people like you. Our time is better spent helping those who are really in trouble and who are steadfast in their decisions to live as Muslims, regardless of the problems they might face.
We did everything we could for you, but you backed out in the last minute. And you kept silent and left us wondering and worry for you, as we could not get in touch with you. Until we found out about the choice you had made, through other people.
Our conscience is clear, for we know that we have answered the call; we had done the best to help a fellow Muslim in trouble, and we do not ask to be paid. We can stand before Allah swt and not be ashamed. We had been willing to fight for you.
But you? You gave a sob story when you contacted us. Then when you realised the gravity of the situation, you said that you did not want to complicate matters. You expected to be rescued like a damsel in distress but you did not want to bear the responsibilities that come along with it. You ran and hid. And now you're pretending that by deleting your blog and all contacts with your Muslim friends, all those events had never happened?
Do you really believe that you can do it alone, without contacts with other stronger practising Muslims? Do you still think you can be happy leading a double life, being hijabless in public and still able to hold on to your akidah as a practising Muslimah at the same time, for a couple more years, living with liberalists? Honey, you're only torturing your soul this way. Something will break soon. I know. I know only too well.
Well, we wish you all the best. May Allah swt have mercy on you and those you wish to tarbiyah, and lead you back to the right path.
Wassalam.