MY BAGS ARE PACKED

"I wish all the best in your coming exams. I'm sorry I won't be around during your exam week. Please forgive me. See you all next year, insyaAllah."
The students, bless them, nodded with understanding. I wish I had my camera with me but sometimes keeping their faces locked in my memory is a better option. Gosh, I'm gonna miss school.

The bags are almost ready. I have to prepare two large ones, coz after the surgery I'd be recuperating in another house.We've decided, hubby and I, that it's just too risky and inconvenient for me to be alone at home when he's away working. So it's off to his family home where there'd always be somebody nearby to keep me company and prepare my diet. Problem is, I don't know what to take along with me. Spending days and maybe weeks in a house with in-laws when you're recovering from illness is not really my idea of the best way of getting to know them, huhuhuu. But I've no choice, so I'm praying for the best. Just hope they can bear being in the same house with me, hahaha.

I'm not really scared of the impending surgery. Sometimes I wish it's already over. Uterine fibroid is not life-threatening but I'm tired of the continuous bleeding, one of the symptoms of this disease. It has made me anaemic and easily tired. Dehydrated. Giddy at times. Also, continuous wearing of sanitary pads ( since mid-Ramadhan) is not a comfortable feeling to have and expensive to bear. And teaching is a tiring job, one that requires strength and creativity. I have to walk to the classrooms, stand and talk, stand and teach, and also walk and fasilitate. Alhamdulillah for His grace and mercy, for I had managed to perform well in class despite being sick at times.

So sorry if I can't update this blog as often as before after this weekend. My surgery's scheduled on Monday.
I'll write as soon as I could. I'll be taking my laptop along with me to my in-laws' though I've been told by some friends that I shouldn't read or sit in front of the laptop right after surgery. Might spoil my eyesight. Gosh! What will I do without books, computer and the internet? Eat and sleep every day? Chat with my in-laws till I run out of things to say? Aiyoyo!!
I'm also told to avoid certain foods like eggs, seafood, beef and chicken. Nice way to lose weight, right? I'm keeping some yummy vegetarian biscuits for those pantang makan days, just in case I run out of food to eat.

Pati ikan haruan (said to hasten recovery from surgery). Checked.
Minyak gamat (said to be helpful on wounds). Checked.
Tudung and telekong for hospital stay. Checked.
Small buckets and toweld for cleansing myself in the hospital. Checked.
Documents for surgery. Checked.
So many things to pack. I feel as if I'm going on a long tour, and to return as a more experienced person.

Mom keep reminding me to pack this and that. I guess she's more worried than I am.
And I had assure her that my health problem is just a normal sickness. She's been harping on the issue of "maybe you've been charmed (kena buatan orang)" since last month when I continued to bleed despite taking the prescribed medicine. Chinese old folks have this problem of believing in this stuff and I have to assure her that I'm not being 'charmed' or whatever. I just hope Mom won't be doing anything odd or giving me some "unholy water" during my hospital stay, when I'm tired and groggy. I know Mom well, and I do have my reservations. May Allah swt protect me from syirik.

Things I'm looking forward to after the surgery:
1. No more continous bleeding from day to day (due to the fibroid) unless during regular menses.
2. To be able to perform solat comfortably.
2. To sleep again after subuh and not being scolded for being lazy, haha.
3. Watch TV whenever I want to and learn to be a couch-potato, hehehe.
4. Learn some family recipes and Malay style of cooking.
5. Catch up on my reading and writing.
6. Travel and sightseeing to places I've never been.
6. Being pregnant and becoming a mother next year (insyaAllah)

I just hope and pray that the laproscope surgery will be successful. It'd be bad news if I were told that it'd be postponed again or that I'd have to undergo a major open surgery. Or that they have to remove more than the fibroid from my body (some women had their uterus removed)There's nothing much I can do but to pray and trust Allah swt. I suppose this is where taqwa and tawakkal comes in.

Please forgive me for any mistakes that I've said or done that have caused hurt, anger or sadness to any reader of this blog. Thanks for your prayers and wishes. I'm telling myself "Nah, it's just a surgery. Thousands of people have done it." but I'd be lying if I say I'm not nervous. Ahh, in my whole life, it's gonna be my first time as a warded patient in the hospital where I'd be at the mercy of the doctors and nurses.

InsyaAllah, see you all some time next week.