Sunday, October 12


"Why did you reject A, B, and C, ?"
I gave her my version of a MonaLisa smile.
"Why not?"
"But.. but.. isn't A suitable, as he's about your age? Isn't B an Islamic scholar, a learned ustaz? Isn't C rich?"
"But that's not what I'm looking for. They may be good men and who knows, make good husbands but they don't fulfill my own requirements. Call me fussy but I have my own set of needs that my husband should be able to attend to. Sorry to say, they just don't fit in."

"You're really impossible, Aliya. Why don't you give them a chance?"
"I'm just being me. My husband should be able to accept me as I am, as a whole package with good sides and negative sides. He should know how to handle me without losing his own temper. He should be able to guide me to be a good wife and Muslimah, with all his knowledge of Islam and support from his family. He should himself be a good role model for I will never be able to respect a husband who doesn't walk his talk. My own experiences with my broken first marriage has made me wiser and more critical of men."

"What you ask for is near to impossible. You are looking for a super husband."
"You're mistaken. Allah SWT gives a woman the freedom to choose her own husband. I don't want any Ali, Abu and Ahmad who are merely interested just because I'm a Chinese Muslim with fair skin and works as a civil servant, and are supposedly naive and easy to guide to be a good, obedient wife. I need a man who can answer all my enquiries about Islam immediately, is well-read, is multilingual and understands my own Chinese roots and gives me the freedom to be myself, not trying to turn me into a Malay woman. I also need a husband who can have an intellectual conversation with me about anything under the sun. In short, he reads a lot."

"Gosh, is it possible to find such a Malay man in this world today?"
"Who says he has to be a Malay? He just has to be a good practising Muslim. I'm not looking for a rich man or a handsome man. I'm not perfect myself. I have my own flaws which I hope my husband can tolerate and help to disperse. I just need a husband who can guide and protect me, and ensure that I continue to be a better Muslimah after I marry him, insyaAllah. I don't want a husband who will neglect me and my Islamic upbringing after our marriage, and Allah forbid, that I know more about Islam than he does.
Don't worry, Allah swt will choose for me, just as He always does. I know there've been enquiries about me by some interested parties but as I've told you, if I don't think I can carry an intellectual conversation about Islam or any topic with him in both Malay and English, then sorry.. it's better not to start anything. Perhaps there's a more suitable lady for them out there somewhere, who knows? As for my choice of husband, it's very important that I should be able look up to him as my leader till the end of our lives."

" Wow! I've never thought of those things myself. Then I wish you all the best, Aliya."
" Actually, I have been given hints by Allah about my future husband. I've been approached and all I need to do now is solat isytikarah and solat hajat to ensure we have His blessings."
"Really? Who's he?"
"Oh, don't worry. You'll know soon enough."

NOTE: Finding a husband is more challenging than shopping for the perfect dress or the perfect house. She enters the marriage with prayers, faith and tawakkal to Allah, for her future growth as a Muslim depends largely on the outcome of her husband and her marriage.


  1. Finding a good husband is not easy - True! But once you find him, life can be bliss. Just need a little patience, and Allah will take care of the rest :-)
    P.S. Love your writing Aliya!

  2. eh kak aliya,i thought u're married..or is this post a flashback?

  3. Aieen, alhamdulillah I thank Allah everyday for makig it easy for me to write and share with everyone in this blog. I enjoy reading about your experiences in your blog too, wish I were there. All the best in your quest!

  4. This article is a flashback, hehehe.. and yes,I'm happily married for the second (and insyaAllah the last time) in my life. I believe everyone should know the characteristics of a suitable spouse for them, what type of behavior they can accept in a spouse and what they can't, so that they'd be happier after the akadnikah ceremony. It's tough finding a good Muslim husband nowadays - there're more glass than diamonds. Still everything is decided by Allah, so if you can't marry someone you like, insyaAllah there'll be a special someone just right for you somewhere who's also waiting for you. I'm a diehard romantic-I believe in marriage, hahahaa..

  5. Would like to show this article to my mum..haha..btw, very nice blog. I think my mum would be very pleased if she reads this blog. Will tell her later..Keep up the good work!

  6. Salam persahabatan,

    i accidently found your page online.. so far i enjoy reading your views especially about malay and islam. I agree with you, its hard to find the right quality man that we hope most. Sometimes its just buried in the dream. I'm 35- " still available" and had several relationship in the past. Its not because i dont want to get married - i just dont find the right man to be with. When its come into leadership, responsibility - solat ? eem habis. Its true its very hard to find those quality guy anymore. But i percaya "jodoh itu rahsia allah", i would not afraid to have hope to have a good man by my side. Eventhough we are single, we know Allah is alway there, watching us, bless us. Nothing else matter.. salam persahabatan.

  7. Waalaikumussalam e-joe,
    May Allah swt bless and keep you steadfast in iman. To find a good Muslim man, remian as a good Muslim woman. InsyaAllah he'll be around. Today I read about the Perlis's Mufti advising sngle women to reject those men who smoke. As an ex-spouse of a smoker, I agree 100%, hehehe.