Saturday, September 27


"And the two roads are symbolic of the choices you make in your lives."

I was teaching Literature to my Form 4 Science last Wednesday. "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost.
We discussed the type of choices that we have to make during the course of our lives, and the students faces reflected the realisation that in almost every minute, they are actually making choices, choosing between two or more roads as each diverge into another two roads. Life is a continuous form of choices. Making a wrong turn might cause a lot of unnecessary misery. Each of us is a traveller in the journey of life.

And when I checked their notebooks, some have written the title of the poem as "The Road Taken."
When I pointed out the error, they said,"Oh Teacher, we thought it's about the road taken by the traveller that has made him who he is today. If he had taken the safer road chosen by most people, he won't be writing this poem, would he? He'd end up like most common people."
Ah, young people and their ideas.. that's why I love this job.

Coping with sickness can be tough. One is helpless as the body reacts to the pain. The patient can shift from shock to anger, hurt, depression, sadness, before finally acceptance.
I've watched my Mum cope when she was first diagnosed as SLE sufferer. She couldn't hold anything with her fingers in the morning, not even a plastic mug. Boy, was she depressed. We were worried that she'd do something bad to herself, but fortunately she managed to fight back, with support from family and friends. And today she's still able to life an almost normal life.

Unlike a cut or an open sore, I can't see what's wrong with my body. I can't apply direct medication on the wound. So it's frightening when I'm continuously losing blood through heavy menses. Taking the drugs supplied by the hospital helps to reduce the flow and reduce the pain. Yet it's not advisable to take them for long period of time, ie 6 weeks before my rescheduled surgery. With every flow of blood, that 'thing' might increase in size. It feeds on the high estrogen level available during menses. My last scan last month had shown an almost 40% reduction in the size of the fibroid (no menses for 2 months meant no estrogen), so it's kinda frustrating to think that there could be an increment in its size again.

I might not be able to do much in the sense of treating the sickness. I'd just have to trust the good doctor and hope that he'd be able to perform the surgery in November. Doctors are humans, and they might have their own problems. I'll be praying for him too.
I'm gonna use the extra 1 month period to do the best I can in everything. Allah SWT had decided to postpone the surgery for reasons only He knows. As a servant of Allah, I will trust His wisdom. No need to question His choice, No need to wallow in self-pity, No need to stress myself finding alternative treatment. It's time for self-reflection. It's time to move on. Thanks for your support and prayer, friends and readers of this blog. Really appreciate it.

Today it's me. Tomorrow it could be someone else. Life is so unpredictable. So is one's health and fortune. A test is a test. It's a only test. The best score is the one we receive in Heaven.

Alhamdulillah for His grace and deliverance. There's a few more days in Ramadhan. Last night was peaceful and serene. I prayed again, seeking His forgiveness for all sins I have committed throughout my life.

Nobody knows whether we'd be able to see the next Ramadhan. I'm ready to meet Him if He wills it.
But I'm also hoping Allah SWT will allow me more time and good health to continue my travels along my own chosen road, the one less travelled by in this temporary world... there're still many flowers to see, so many seeds to sow, so many undergrowth to clear..


  1. Hi Sister,

    Just read this latest blog entry and when you mentioned fibroid and menses, i do now understand what you are suffering from.

    It is not easy and I truly understand the pain that you are going thru.

    My colleague's wife is having the same problem. She is 42 now and they have 2 wonderful children.

    His wife is torn between of just removing the fibroids as they can come back again at a later stage or remove the entire womb.

    Apparently, as i understand from my colleague, it is hereditary as some family members from his wife's side has the same problem.

    Looking at the bright side, I told him that I am in no position to say anything but as i mentioned to look at the bright side, how much time she can devote to Allah in future without missing out on any days for prayers/fasting and many more.

    Aside from my colleague, i had an auntie who removed her womb as well - she managed to get better and went for the hajj as well after she removed it (due to cancer i believe)

    Insya Allah, our prayers with you will never end and I hope Allah will answer your prayers or in finding a cure for you.

    I visit your blogs almost everyday to read it. Ianya sudah menjadi satu kemestian.

    It is so interesting and everything about you are so positive...

    Get well soon dear Sister.

    Edz Lee

  2. speechless..tak sangka ade manusia setabah ni di saat orang lain lebih suka menyalahkan keadaan dan enggan menerima qada dan qadar..(nasihat buat diri sendiri ni)

  3. Edz lee, every cup is either half full or half empty, depending with angle we want to look at it. Dealing with a sickness involving the woman's reproduction and hormones (endometriosis and fibriods) is a very touchy subject as the end-results will have effects on the whole body. I'm opting for lacroscopy mymectomy as I still hope to have children. Besides losing an entire womb before 50 may cause other unwanted side-effects, and will be the last option for me. I have my entire trust in Allah SWT in curing this problem. Thanks for your prayer and encouraging words.

    raudhah, saya hanya wanita biasa. Bersangka baik pada Allah swt, berfikiran positif dan bertawakkal padaNya itu juga merupakan ubat yang baik untuk sebarang penyakit.