"One of my colleagues was so happy when she got her transfer to national school but after a few months there, she asked to transfer back to Chinese school. She couldn't take the pressure," said the Chinese lady.
"What pressure?" asked her Indian friend.
"She had a cultural shock! You know la, in Chinese schools, we don't talk about our private lives. It's all work and work, and even when we had discussions, it's usually about students and school policy. She couldn't get used to the atmosphere in the national school because the staff asked her too many questions that made her uncomfortable. And mind you, she's a Malay and those teachers at her new school are also Malays."
"I'm not surprised," said the Indian lady. "On my first day at school as a KPLI teacher [graduates who became teachers after a year's training] a teacher actually came up to me and asked straight at my face' How much is your salary?' I know that they don't like KPLI graduate teachers but it was my first day on the job, in her school. I was like - urr - I don't know- and I avoided her like the plague for the rest of my time there."
"I wonder if it's a Malay culture to talk about their private lives. And having the nerve to ask other people to talk about theirs."
"Ya la, in my former national school, they would group together in the staff room and talk about their lives, their families, their husbands.. and the latest gossips involving artistes. And I'd pretend to be busy marking the books so that I'd have an excuse not to join them."
"In Chinese schools, we don't have time to chat. It's always books and books to mark. Those in national schools are so relaxed. "
"I'd rather have books to mark than somebody coming up to me and ask who my husband is, where he works, how many children I have, where they all study, and all those stuff I consider private. I mean, they could be trying to be friendly. Perhaps it's a Malay culture to ask so many questions to a new teacher on her first day at work, but I still squirm each time a stranger asks me those questions. I don't 'take my family to work' and I seldom take my work home. And unfortunately when you hesitate or give short answers, they'd label you as 'sombong' proud and arrogant for being unwilling to share. For me, I take time to be friendly with people and to share my private lives with them. Ask me anyhting about work and my students and I'd be happy to discuss but please, don't try to find out about my private lives unless I'm willing to share. I just don't understand how those Malay ladies think. "
And suddenly they looked at me as if realising for the first time that I was there, a tudung-clad stranger who was eating at the same table with them and listening quietly to every word they said.
"Don't ask me. I'm not a Malay, and I face the same problem as you," I smiled at them sweetly.
assalammualaikum
ReplyDeletememang dah jadi budaya melayu gitu....niat baik nak bertaaruf...ada baik dan tak baiknya....
terutama bila dapat kenal anak2 kawan... dan kawan2 kenal anak2 kita... boleh menolong satu sama lain
tapi
memang ada benda yang private
bab suami isteri, gaji, simpanan itu tak payahlah citer
kenalah pandai mengelak
lama2 jadi biasa
tak nak jawab, buatlah lawak2 bodoh
tidaklah nanti
kita digelar kiasu
atau digelar busy body
hmmmm... memang sikap manusia.. i dont put the blame on "melayu".. sbb ada yang bagus.. sangat2 bagus.. tapi kalau lauya.. memang tak leh harap.. dtg sekolah.. lepak kantin.. masuk kelas.. tinggal kerja.. masuk kantin balik.. takpun lepak depan pc.. hmmm..
ReplyDeletebut that doesnt mean it is all bad.. sometimes they are not intended to be busybosy pun but just trying to be friendly.. orang melayu kan peramah?.. mungkin cara bertanya tu yang make others annoyed..
tapi saya akui.. workload in Chinese school way too much then SK.. balik pun lambat tiap2 hari.. I wonder if I can cope with that or not.. but with that kind of workload i dont think i can find time to simply sembang dgn other colleagues too.. it will be work and work.. nanti tension pulak.. ngeeeeee....
i'm a malay. and i don't do that. and i am as annoyed as you are when people do that to me.
ReplyDeleteSalam,
ReplyDeleteHadis Nabi saw: Sesiapa yang beriman kpd Allah dan hari akhirat, maka hendaklah berkata baik atau lebih baik dia diam -HR Bukhari dan Muslim
Bertaaruf tu ada batasnya juga. :)
Orang Melayu juga kena memahami budaya orang lain. Kebanyakkan orang sensitif apabila ditanya tentang status pekerjaan, gaji, keluarga.
Kekadang orang hendak bermesra, tapi tidak faham adab berbudi bahasa. Ramai orang tak faham garis dan batas benda yang boleh ditanya dan benda yang tak usahlah ditanya, sekalipun rasa ingin tahu itu membuak2.
ReplyDeleteTerkesima juga kalau berhadapan orang macam itu. Kekadang kalau terasa jahat bila berdepan dengan perihal begitu, senang saja saya berkata, "Kenapa hendak tahu?" sambil tersenyum manis.
'Orang Melayu juga kena memahami budaya orang lain'
ReplyDeleteSaya org melayu, saya x buat gitu. X semua org Melayu sedemikian rupa. Ada juga org bangsa lain buat org melayu annoyed.
Waalaikumussalam semua,
ReplyDeleteMaaf, internet slow. Pos ini ditulis bukan untuk 'malay bashing' mahupun untuk mengutuk mana-mana pihak. Perbualan itu benar berlaku. Dari sudut pandangan 2 orang guru bangsa Cina dan India. Terpulang kepada kita untuk membuat kesimpulan sama ada kita tergolong dalam mereka yang melakukannya atau kita sendiri pernah menjadi mangsa.
Bukankah lebih baik kita lebih berhati-hati supaya tidak melakukan kesilapan yang dinyatakan?
Maaflah uji,
ReplyDeleteSaya cuba memberikan pendapat namun bukannya ditujukan kepada orang Melayu.
Malangnya di Malaysia ni budaya orang Melayu tu orang bukan Melayu tahu kerana belajar di sekolah. Lagipun orang Melayu adalah majoriti. Berapa ramaikah orang Melayu yang faham akan budaya orang Cina dan India?
Kita selalu lupa akan budaya orang lain. Budaya orang Cina. Budaya orang India. Budaya orang Sikh. Budaya orang Siam. Budaya semua kaum-kaum lain di Malaysia.
Budaya itu tak sama dengan agama. Budaya orang Melayu tak semestinya selari dengan Islam, begitu juga budaya kaum-kaum lain.
Budaya ini termasuklah cara komunikasi dan cara percakapan. :)
Kadang-kala apa yang kita ingat mesra itu adalah suatu yang menggangu privasi bagi orang lain. Antara perkara yang kita boleh buat untuk elakkan perkara ni ialah belajar budaya orang lain dan praktiskan Islam termasuklah dari segi komunikasi dengan orang lain.
sis aliya is right... this is not a malay bashing topic.. cuma.. siapa yang makan cili.. dia terasa lah pedasnya kan.. yang penting kita tak tergolong dlm golongan mereka itu..
ReplyDeleteah hong.. could not agree more with u.. generasi baru kurang ambil tahu tentang bangsa lain.. saya tak pasti di mana silapnya.. but my parents.. it seems they know everything about chinese, indians friends.. because once they used to live together.. and they respect each other.. tapi sekarang.. tak sama kan?
Ahong, saya tahu budaya bangsa lain2. Di sekolahkan di sekolah kebangsaan (semua race campur).Ibu saya yg tercinta adalah seorang mualaf (ibu ada 2 race). Ayah seorang melayu. Abang ipar saya juga bukan melayu, bukan rakyat malaysia. I was born as a muslim. Dari kecil sampai besar, saya berkawan dgn ramai kawan especially bangsa India. They teach me to speak English. Di Universiti lak, dapat roommate kakak bewarganegara Indonesia (dia buat SPACE), so dia kenalkan ramai kawan2 dia yg bukan org Malaysia, bukan org Melayu tapi Muslim. Dan di internet juga saya chat dgn ramai kawan yg Islam dan dari budaya lain.Kawan2 melayu saya dari kecil sampai besar semua memang rapat dgn kawan2 bangsa lain.Bos saya pun bukan melayu. Memang paham benar culture dia.
ReplyDeleteBudaya X SAMA sekali dgn agama. Anyone from any budaya, race boleh berada dalam 1 agama. Agama tiada sempadan. Islam adalah syumul.
Hi k aliya, I know u'll never post a racist article, let alone malay-bashing topic. Or else, I'll not follow yr blog in the 1st place :).
ReplyDeleteKeinginan nak faham budaya org lain semua bergantung pada Individu.
This is k aliya's blog, so sesapa yg nak bg pendapat or komen pd blogger lain,hak masing2.
DGN SYARAT tuan punyer blog ok.. :)
Saya doakan agar k aliya dan baby selamat.
Very much agreed with ell_jay ! Siapa makan cili dia-lah terasa pedasnya kan !
ReplyDeleteThis happened to me once too....
Begin with......
'hey,kereta baru nampak ?' till 'berapa kena bayar sebulan ?' then.... 'mesti gaji dah naik ni...' and so on....
Waalaikumussalam semua,
ReplyDeleteahong, I agree with you.
uji, it's ok. I trust all of you to be people who can discuss anything her with maturity and respect.Alhamdulillah. Thanks for your doa :)
In Love with Coriander, ahh.. that was irritating, wasn't it? Usually to those people, I'd coyly say, "Hadiah dari suami i, lupa nak tanya dia la" dan catwalk away :P
Assalamualaikum kak Aliya,
ReplyDeleteSelama ini saya ada rasa pelik berkawan dengan orang melayu ni tapi tak pasti apa. huhu. betul inilah yang saya rasa pelik tu. saya selalu tak terfikir pun nak tanya orang apa yang mereka tanya saya termasuklah gaji tu. kita kata cukup makan tapi mereka nak tahu juga jumlah yang betul. bila kita cakap lebih kurang begini, mereka tanya lagi berapa..aduh pening..
orang yang baru kenal pun dah tanya macam2 pasal kita dan keluarga termasuklah kerja mak ayah dan dah cerita macam2 pasal diri dia dan keluarga dia dengan kita.
kadang2 saya terfikir, mungkin saya ni tak ambil kisah tentang orang lain sebab tu lah tak sampai terfikir nak tanya apa yang mereka tanya tu.nampaknya orang lain pun rasa apa saya rasa. bukannya semua benda kita nak cakap or nak tanya dengan orang. tapi memanglah tak semua begitu. syukurlah dapat suami malay bukan macam tu.
Waalaikumussalam Sakinah,
ReplyDeletePrinsip akak mudah saja; hormati hak kawan dan jiran. Jikalau mereka tidak secara sukarela menceritakan hal-hal peribadi, tak perlulah kita pula cuba 'mengorek' rahsia mereka.
Biasanya daripada pengalaman akak, mereka yang suka bertanya begitu hanya mencontohi orangtua mereka, dan kemudian akan diceritakan semula apa yang diketahuinya kepada orang lain. Itulah masalahnya,bakal menambah dosa.. tak kiralah bangsa apapun.