LETTER FROM A GAMBLER'S EX-WIFE

Dear Aliya,

I'm writing in to share my own bad experience with your readers. I'm shocked to learn that gambling will be allowed in Malaysia and be made legal during the World Cup season. Gosh, how can it come this? I thought that gambling is forbidden in Islam.

As an ex-wife of a habitual gambler, I know only too well what it's like to live under the same roof with somebody who gambles. My ex-husband not rich. He government servant but most of his friends were businessmen. From them, he picked up bad habits - smoking and gambling. They made huge bets on horse racing. Unlike his friends who can fall back on their businesses when they lost money, my ex had only his monthly salary to survive.

Soon he was always short of money. I hated the weekend because he would borrow my money for gambling. When I refused to lend him, he shouted at me. He forced me to lend him, even $10 was fine. He bought the newspaper just to get the timetable and schedule of the horse races. Then he would leave the house to be with his friends at the coffee shop, listening to the news about the races and return home only for his dinner at night. I have to spend my own money on the household, he never helped even a sen. I never knew when he won because he never gave me any money or pay back his debts.

He even lied to me. I had a car, which I bought and had finished paying for with my own salary. Without my knowledge, he traded that car to pay for his gambling debts. He told me that he had sold the car. He got another car, this one in his own name but I was still forced to pay for it because I drove it to work. When I asked him money for the old car, he kept giving excuses. Finally after all the documents were signed and the car officially sold, he told me the truth. He did not get a sen from the car sale because he owed the new owner money. I was furious but it was too late. I had to suffer for his gambling habit.

He never learned his lessons but continued gambling. For years, he never spent any money for the household, repairs, bills or food. He bought many things for himself when he won some money but he never returned any of my money to me. His mother knew about his gambling but she blamed me for not stopping him. When I refused to give him any more money, he stole my jewellery and pawned them. Then he blamed me when I scolded him, saying that as a wife, I should have supported him. He did not take any responsibility for his actions but blame me for not helping him. It was always me who was wrong, never him.

I got fed-up with his gambling. He didn't want to stop. I no longer feel his love. The marriage was empty. I did not want to continue paying his debts. There were days when I cried because I was left with only $10 to survive for another 2 weeks before the next pay day. I did not want to suffer for the rest of my life living with an irresponsible gambler. So I left him. I wanted a divorce. He accused me of having an affair and refused to cooperate. He blamed my family for encouraging me to divorce. So I threatened to expose his problems to his boss, and that made him sign the forms. I told him that I want the divorce because I could not trust him anymore. I borrowed money from my family to pay for the divorce.

I did not get a sen from the divorce. I did not get anything from the marriage except heartache and material loss. He refused to pay alimony. He also refused to return my jewellery he had pawned. The day I left the house, I cursed him for his evil ways, for his lies and not returning what belonged to me. I was glad that we had no children to follow his bad ways, because we had stopped sleeping together after I discovered his lies about the car.

Now I am happy. I have learned to survive on my own. I may be poorer now but I still have my dignity, my job and my family. I no longer need the things he still owe me but I will not forgive him until he say sorry. I know that he has found another woman he has managed to trick to be his new wife. Now she is the one suffering. He is also in bad health due to his smoking.

I hope that no other wife or family will have to suffer for the husband's or son's gambling habit. Gambling is evil. It break down families. A gambler will never stop gambling once he taste the joy of some winning. My ex gambled on horse racing, which was about a few hundreds a bet. What about football betting? It might come to thousands of dollars a game. And if the gambler cant pay, who will end up the victims? His family, his wife, his children.

Please tell your friends not to gamble or trust a gambler.
I was a fool but now I have learned my lesson well - after losing my car, my jewellery, my money and my house.

Nobody should be made to suffer the bad gambling habits of another family member. Gambling should be banned or stopped, not encouraged.

regards,
Eileen

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