Saturday, September 17


Dear sis Jamilah,
Assalamualaikum. First of all, thank you for writing to me. I'm sorry for the delay in the reply to your email. Things had been rather hectic at home, with Ikram recovering from flu and Ihsan having growth spurt and demanding milk every 2 hours. Anyway I hope you have been reading the comments by other readers of this blog, which I pray that would help to answer your doubts about Islam.
Believe me, I understand how you feel. It's easy to say 'you should do this, your husband should do that' but only the person who undergoes the same situation will be able to emphatize. I'm sorry that things are not working as smoothly for you as you had hoped for. But hold on there, be patient for a little longer, and insyaAllah I'm sure that things will be better soon. It's always darkest before dawn, remember.

You didnt mention how old your children are nor what your job is. I guess they must be between 1 to 4 years old. I can imagine how busy you must be at home with the 3 children around.

I'm also a mother of 2 young children. Ikram is only 14 months old when Ihsan was born, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's been very hard for me these 2 months. I dont have a maid too. My mother and in-laws are busy with their own agenda and live quite far away to help.Coping with a crying baby and an active toddler alone at home is no fun. My own husband, though loving and religious, is seldom at home. Even on weekends when other husbands are at home with the family, my husband can be found at a ceramah, kursus or somewhere out of town. As a wife, I cant force him to stay at home with me during weekends, just like I'm sure you cant ask yours to do the same too.I'm not ashamed to say that sometimes I cry in frustration when both the children are being difficult and their father is miles away. But then I remember that Fatimah, the daughter of prophet Muhammad had a more difficult life. So many Muslim wives and mothers I read about in the newspapers had more difficult lives than I do, so I'm thankful my burden is not so heavy compared to theirs.

Well, when we become a Muslim, there is never a guarantee from Allah that our lives would be better and happier here on earth. Reciting the syahadah means we profess that we believe in Allah as God and prophet Muhammad as His messenger, and that we will live as Muslims by following the teachings of Muhammad. Nothing about being rich, happier, prettier, etc. In fact, the Quran even says that as Muslims, we will be tested for our faith. And that TEST is something that each and everyone of us gets, in small or big doses. It's up to Allah how much difficulty He will give us. All these, I'm sure, you've been told and that you've been coping with ever since.

If you are a follower of my blog, I'm sure you've read about my earlier life after becoming a Muslimah and before my present marriage. I had to stay in the hostel for a year because I had no home to go to during semester breaks. I discovered who my true friends are. Sadly not many are my Muslim sisters. Then I got married and I thought my problems would be over, but I was wrong. I had severe health problems which forced me to go for surgery to remove fibroids. Then I had a tough pregnancy due to high blood pressure, was warded twice and until the day I delivered my baby, I had nobody to look after me in confinement. Alhamdulillah a kind family offered to take me and my baby into their home. Then I was scolded for failing to breastfeed my baby, and I got depression for a few months. Things were bad at home but I held on and alhamdulillah it got better soon. Just when I thought I'd get some rest, I got pregnant again and once again, had a tough pregnancy. I was glad at first when husband found me a partime Indonesian maid, but she lasted for 7 days only. I had to beg my husband to send her back because I ended up having to look after her as well during my confinement- she refused to follow orders and was sick with cough and fever. Of course, these are only a small part of my hectic life I'm telling you, and only a small portion of the daily challenges I face.

In short, Jamilah, our lives here on earth will always be full of problems, big or small. It's a problem if we look at it as a problem. But if we look at it as a chance to grow spiritually and emotionally, then insyaAllah that problem will stop being a problem. Instead it'd be a chance for us to be a better person.
Like I once told a sister, Allah will always test us. Not because we are weak but because He wants to make us stronger. Like a piece of black coal, if it doesnt undergo pressures, it'd never become a sparkling diamond.

I have stopped thinking about my problems and tests from Allah. I live one day at a time, taking in each test as a challenge and be patient with it. Trust me, it gets easier when we stop thinking everything as a test from Allah. Never stop praying and be close to Allah by reading the Quran. Allah is very close to us, closer than you'd think.

I'll forward some emails that other readers of this blog have asked me to pass to you. Be free to contact me or to write to me again. We care about you and your wellbeing. Take care and May Allah swt bless you and your family, ameen.


  1. Ukhti, this is beautiful! I don't think I'd be able to reply as well as that! My favourite paragraph is the second last one.

    and definately this "...our lives here on earth will always be full of problems, big or small. It's a problem if we look at it as a problem."

    To sister Jamilah, I'd like to add an additional advice that it's helpful to have good Muslim sisters as close friends.

    Last but not least, hope and Du'aa (invocation to Allaah) is highly important and we should be careful not to underestimate this powerful act of worship. If we don't get what we invoke for in this Dunya, then be patient in this short life as Allaah will reward you with an incomparable answer in the Hereafter.

    The Hereafter is our final and everlasting abode that cannot be compared to this Dunya.

    Wallahua'lam, Allaah knows best.

  2. Assalamualaikum sis Jamillah and Sis Aliya,
    After reading sis jamilah letter and sis Aliya response, i've realized that it is very useful and it encourage us to move forward.
    Well, life is just like a circle, and full of challenges that we need to undergo. The most important is, we never give up ourselves, as Allah never give up on us too!
    Never be afraid to face the obstacles in front of us, as this will make us to become a better person.
    Sis Jamilah, i know it is tough, as i've been through it before, at least you have your lovely family and caring husband, not like me, after married (now undergo divorce process), my husband just left me like that, not really guiding me in Islam, and i struggle my own.

    In short, Be strong, sis Jamilah, HE know what is best for us, May Allah shower you with HIS barakah, and make your life happier.

  3. dear sis jamilah..
    be strong sis. people just can give advice and support u but u r the only one who gone through it. life must go on sis.. there must be a reason behind the obstacles in ur life. Life is not always a bed of roses. But, Allah will never let His servant to be tested without any reasons. Be strong sis. La tahzan. Insyaallah u'll find your way. Don't despair and never lost hope..cause Allah is always by your side.

  4. Waalaikumussalam everyone,
    Thanks, alhamdulillah for all your advices. I havent heard from sis Jamilah yet, but perhaps she's reading your comments even as I'm typing.
    Adib ~ agree,quote: If we don't get what we invoke for in this Dunya, then be patient in this short life as Allaah will reward you with an incomparable answer in the Hereafter.
    strawberrylover~ sorry to hear about your impending divorce. Hope you'd remain strong and May Allah replace your loss with something better, insyaAllah.
    umangbajik~ That's true. We have to be strong, never despair and never lose hope.

  5. Hanya ingin membantu, tapi pastinya tak mungkin... karena hidayah hanya turun dari Allah...

    semoga tulisan dari blog bisa sedikit berguna...
    berikut ini tulisannya:

    Surat Al Fajr :
    15. Maka adapun manusia itu apabila Tuhannya menguji, lalu memuliakannya dan memberi nikmat kepadanya, maka ia akan berkata, “Tuhanku telah memuliakanku”.
    16. Tetapi apabila ia mengujinya, lalu Dia sempitkan rezekinya, maka ia akan berkata, “Tuhanku telah menghinaku”.
    17. Sekali-kali tidak demikian,...

    Tidak demikian!!! Musibah adalah hidayah dan keberlebihan adalah cobaan…

    Namun pada tahapan selanjutnya… tiada kekurangan tiada kelebihan. Hanya sunatullah… dan Sunatullah hanya ada sebagaimana mestinya. Bahkan Mujizat pun tidak ada, yang ada hanyalah kekurangan pengetahuan manusia.

    Umat Islam bangga pada nabinya karena beliau mampu menolak gunung emas yang ditawarkan Allah padanya. Apakah gunung emas merupakan penawaran atas keberlebihan? Sekali-kali tidak demikian. Sang nabi menolaknya, karena bagi dia, eksistensi gunung emas samasekali tak ada. Bukan keberlebihan yang ia tolak, tapi sudah sewajarnya… apa yang bisa diterima dari sesuatu yang memang tidak ada?

    Konon suatu waktu beliau dilempari kotoran. Namun bagi dia… dia tidak dilempari apa-apa…
    Tiada bedanya gunung emas dengan kotoran…

    Seperti bagi Nabi Isa, tiada teman tiada musuh… cintanya pada semua, seperti cintanya pada dirinya sendiri.

    Diri yang mana?

    Bila musuh tiada, teman tiada, gunung emas tiada, kotoran tiada… apakah wujud mereka sendiri ada? Hakekat adalah abadi sementara wujud mengalami kelahiran dan kematian…

    Wujud bukanlah hakekat.

    Nabi Isa mengenal dirinya, maka dia mengenal Tuhannya. Dia mengenal hakekat dirinya, dan dalam kepasrahan dirinya dia diangkat menuju hakikatnya. Nabi isa tidak disalib, tidak pula Judas.
    Penyaliban wujud tak menyentuh Sang nabi, karena hakikat dirinya tidak terjebak disana… Seperti kata kitab, beliau telah diangkat sebelum penyalibannya. Dan kematian wujud tidak menyentuh hakikat dirinya…

    Luasnya kenikmatan dan sempitnya rejeki… selama berwujud, itu tetaplah ujian… karena demi masa, manusia berada dalam kerugiannya…

    Nikmat dan sengsara, gunung emas dan kotoran, musuh dan teman, kiri dan kanan… yin dan yang…

    Kenali yang dua dan temukan tengahnya. Maka ujian akan berakhir. Lewati surga, lewati neraka…maka jalan terbentang, yaitu Sirotol mustakim yang tipisnya tak habis terbagi. Infinite, seperti nol yang tak habis dibagi, tak terhingga… Seperti Allah yang Agung tak berujung.

    Dan di ujung jalan yang tak berujung, Allah menanti mereka yang menanti. Dan Dialah Yang Maha Sabar… bagi mereka yang sabar... sabar dalam membersihkan jalannya.

    Jalan yang mana?
    Jalan yang tidak di langit tidak di bumi, di mizan tempat Arasy berada... Lebih dekat dari urat leher kita sendiri...

  6. well, sis jamilah,
    Your problems are usual for converts..........just that it will be worst if husbands kind of ignore it. Only this i can say....Allah loves you n that's why He is testing you.You must stay strong and most important BELIEVE in HIM. He will not give you something that you can't overcome. Think bout that. After few kids with all that tests and you are still breathing!!! That shows that you are a strong person....maybe just you can't see it.

    If you were a kindergarden teacher, will you teach your pupils to read IF they still can't get ABC fluently???? Of course you will drill them until they get it, right?

    See all tests as love from Allah. He is watching over you, believe me. Find time to do solat dhuha .........there are a lot that you can get from will feel so much calmer n stronger n you will feel Allah in your heart. Allah never left you. He is ALWAYS by your side. It is just that we always leave Him nforget Him. Do 'solat dhuha', 'solat tahajud' n other 'solat sunat' slowly. The dhuha prayers has so many miracles in promised by Allah...believe me coz i amtalking from my own i am a Chinese convert too.

    Remember...Alah is always in your heart. Put Him in your heart and you will see solutions to all the strong.......Allah loves you...Take care, sis........