That was 30 years ago.
Today, I'm a lot older and wiser.
Being a mother of two little boys have taught me many things. One of the most important lesson I've learnt from raising Ikram and Ihsan [ we've decided when I was pregnant that sons' names would begin with 'I' after husband's name, daughters' with 'A'] is, always be prepared for surprises. And never lose your sense of humour.
I remember as if it was yesterday, when I gained consciousness after a general anesthesia, still lying on the bed in the cold operating theatre, the nurse brought the little baby, all wrapped up and wearing the set of baby suit I had prepared for him.
I guess I felt what new mothers would normally feel - a huge sense of relief that the 9 month little precious is finally out into the world, and alive.
I looked at him, still reddish and wet. Ahhh, alhamdullillah. A round face with two eyes, a nose, a mouth.. a body with two hands, two legs.. just perfect. I was just happy that he's normal.
And as he began to suckle at my breast, I felt a strange sensation.
"So this is what I felt like to breastfeed a baby," I thought as I looked at his wet, round head.
It was blissful until our first night together. My little bundle of 'joy' screamed for his milk and reality hit me that my life will never be the same ever again.
It was tough looking after Ikram single-handedly as I didn't have any experience with little children. Thankfully he was a good and well-behaved baby. However, he'd fall sick with fever and colds every few months, which caused both husband and I sleepless night worrying and looking after him. And now, at exactly 2 1/2 years old, he's still visits the doctor regularly. He suffers from nose bleeds, almost every month. People, even doctors would assure me that it's normal for children to get nose bleeds, but as a mother, I still worry. I'm already tuned to his early morning wake-up calls, when he'd come to me with his nose bleeding and his pyjama wet with blood stains. Sadly, I've yet to find a remedy for this ailment.
Little Ihsan is different. He's 17 months old now, stronger than Ikram at that age, and is learning to talk. He's sometimes bullied by Ikram, who likes to kiss his 'adik's' hand and then ngap, bites it as well, making the latter scream at the top of his voice and I, hurrying to see what was happening. Pointless to scold the elder brother anyway, so I have to be vigilant at all times when those two are at home. Now Ihsan is getting smarter; he pushes away his brother whenever they disagree and walks to hide Ikram's favourite toys away from Ikram's reach. It's usually Ikram who comes complaining loudly to me that his adik has grabbed his toy and refuses to return. Needless to say, the house is noisy when they're at home.
|playing outside the house some time in July|
Since Ikram's birth, it's almost bye-bye to surau and masjid's activities unless my husband is free to accompany us. It's difficult managing both of them and listening to the ceramah. Ikram is active and unafraid of strangers in public places, and many a times, I've found myself running after him after leaving Ihsan with his father. Needless to say, it's bye-bye to any Islamic programmes at night and in the weekends unless of course, someone is willing to help babysit the children. But then their own grandma 'po-po' has declared," Give me RM1000 also I won't babysit them, give me headache...haiyah, so active and taking over my tv remote control!"
Last month, I woke up from a dream and told husband about it.
"Guess what, I dreamt we've got baby number 3, a boy! Even dreamt up his name laaa, starting with i.."
Husband pretended to faint :P