Sunday, March 28


I'm alone at home now, with both my swollen feet up on the pillows and a laptop on my bed.
This is not the best of times, but it's not the worst of times either. I've gone through worse, far worse. However, during those bad times, I was alone and unafraid, because whatever happened then, it would only involve me. Now I'm heavily pregnant; it's no longer just about me, and that fact is not helping to ease the stress experienced.

Being pregnant with first child in late thirties with pregnancy-induced hypertension is not easy. I'm just thankful that it's just hypertension, and not diabetes as well, as some older mothers experience. Anyway, my health has not been very good these days, with daily visits to the clinic to check on blood pressure. Perhaps it's just the current hot weather but the nurses were concerned and I had to take second readings almost daily, causing me to be late for work and receiving scowls from my colleagues. The poor readings could also be due to the imsomnia I've been experiencing too, as the little one seems to enjoy his late night exercises. After a sudden higher reading and considering my medical records, I've been prescribed with a higher dose of medication to keep the blood pressure down. Also 9 weeks to go before due date, the doctors have warned that due to my present condition, I could deliver the baby prematurely. That's certainly not good news.

Being alone at home to cope with stomach cramps, braxton-hicks and leg cramps when husband is working out of town is not something any pregnant woman want. I've learnt to manage alone but it's not something I like. It's scary especially when the pain starts in the wee hours of the morning and I'd be stuck on the bed, unable to get up. Only those who have had experienced them would know and understand.

Despite asking around, I still can't get a companion to be with me during my berpantang weeks. Only Allah swt knows who the mystery helper will be, or that I'd be getting any help at all. Frankly speaking, I don't know much about taking care of a newborn, as I have little experience looking after babies. And knowing that baby's arriving soon is frightening :P

I've been accused of many things since being pregnant with this child and being instructed to undergo regular medical checkups, more frequent than an average pregnant lady. 'Mengada-ngada', ' pandai berlakon' , 'menyusahkan orang' etc. Only Allah swt knows the truth and I thank all my accusers for giving me so many 'free gifts'. I don't welcome the extra stress but I know that I can still cope with the patience and strength Allah provides. All these have just made me stronger, and I know that the child I'm carrying will be just as strong, insyaAllah. It's just a test, just like any other tests. Perhaps it's tougher than what some experience but one thing for sure, the reward is greater too.

Life is like a ferris wheel; one moment you're on top and at another time, you're at the bottom. I won't say that I'm right at the bottom now, but wherever it is, I know for a sure fact that I'd soon be heading up again. People have said that I'm not feminine like the Malay ladies, and a tough nut to crack. Perhaps so, but then if I'm not, perhaps I'd not be able to survive all the trials and challenges in life that Allah swt had tested on me.

Sorry for the long ramblings, but being pregnant and alone at home can make one very moody. And I don't want to entertain the little thoughts playing in my head, which are not all God-sent :P



  1. Salam ziarah kak aliya
    I came across your blog couple of days ago
    and found that your entries are worth-sharing
    so i just link your blog in mine (hope you don't mind)
    Congratulations on your pregnancy, may Allah grants you patience in handling the hurdles.

  2. Salam Sister Aliya

    Greetings from reading ur blog!! Very thought provoking.

    Do cheer up!So what if you are not Malay :P Im Malay married to Arab....Im not feminine as well. As long as you know who you are and what you are worth. That's all that matters :) Betul tak?

    I am counting down for the birth of my baby too. Im at my 33rd week...juggling with diabetes also. But Alhamdulilah, no hypertension.

    Will continue reading your blog :)Take care and may Allah swt ease your trials and heartaches :)


  3. salam. saya telah tulis mengenai hukum air mustakmal dalam blog saya: anakgeriksoleh.blogspot. dijemput hadir ke laman tersebut.

  4. " I've gone through worse, far worse...All these have just made me stronger,.." yup i do understand what u are facing even though i am not a lady but i am a muslim.
    once u hav had a every strong believed towards The Almighty and that has made u sticked to the road that has less travelled by and for sure that will make the difference in ur life... now... and the most important is 'later'. sabarlah...Allah sentiasa bersama orang2 yg sabar.

  5. Waalaikumussalam Tinta-Ilusi,
    Thanks for the wishes, ameen.
    Sure, you may link :)

  6. Waalaikumussalam Noraini,
    Oh, I do believe I am feminine, hehehe.. and confident, and assertive,and speak my mind :)
    [As long as you know who you are and what you are worth. That's all that matters :) Betul tak?] Betulllll tuu.
    Thanks for your doa.
    Congratulations on your pregnancy too, may you have an easy and safe delivery.

  7. Waalaikumussalam Ustaz,
    Ya saya sudah ziarah, terima kasih. Teruskan memblog. Saya pun pernah dengar seorang ustazah memberitahu saya hukum air mustakmal begitu, tetapi saya kurang percaya :)

  8. Salam tenang_aku,
    I'm fine, alhamdulillah. Writing is therapeutic. There're some people who are in good health throughout their pregnancy only to have sickly babies while some pregnant mothers suffer before delivering healthy babies. Whatever it is for me, I leave the future to Allah :)

  9. recently, i have met a long lost friend in a mosque. he suddenly stopped me and asked me to pray for the death of his new born baby. i have wrote about it in my blog. if u wish to read just click on 'seminggu dua mayat'. whatever for you i will pray for the best, whatever HE (Allah) will give you, just remember that Allah- Ar Rahman and Ar Rahim.

  10. SALAM KAK ALIYA.. umangbajik here.

    Semoga kak aliya sihat sentiasa dan bersabar dengan semua ujian yg Allah berikan. Semoga keimanan dan ketaqwaan akak pada Allah semakin bertambah. Amin.

  11. Waalaikumussalam umangbajik,
    Terima kasih atas doa, ameen

  12. Salam, K.Aliya...

    Dah lama tak visit blog akak ni.. silent reader.. ari ni baru teringat nak visit.. kot2 akak dah deliver...

    Semoga dipermudahkan Allah melahirkan anak sulung... InsyaAllah, walaupun K.Aliya tak pernah ada pengalaman handle baby, Allah akan berikan bantuan kpd seorang ibu dlm menguruskan anaknya.. saya juga telah melaluinya.. Mohonlah padaNYA..

    Masa saya sekolah menengah dulu, cikgu sejarah saya having her 1st pregnancy at the age of late 30's or early 40's.. mmg kesian sbb dia x boleh naik turun tangga, sepanjang pregnancy kami kena turun ke kelas kat ground floor... selalu MC dan suara pun payah... alhamdulillah dia kembali ok lepas deliver baby boy, so hopefully K.Aliya pun ok juga...

    Take care!!

  13. Waalaikumussalam Hafiz,
    InsyaAllah another 2 weeks to go, hehehe.. ketawa penuh bermakna :P
    Terima kasih atas doa, saya pun berharap begitulah. Tak kisah sangat susah sekarang asalkan anak yang dilahirkan sihat dan sempurna sifatnya, cergas dan cerdas [insyaAllah].
    Kira saya lagi superwoman la, masih gagah panjat tangga sampai tingkat 4, boleh mengajar seperti biasa, hahaha.. apa-apapun sentiasa ceria dan berfikiran positif, itulah ubatnya.